It's time for you, dear reader, to speak your mind...

Mysexlifeonline Question of the Month:

When it comes to sex, is the duty to "ask" or "tell" about HIV?  Is it the responsibility of the HIV+ partner to tell, or that of the HIV- partner to ask about their partner's status before having sex?

                              Reader Responses:

All I have to say is, if someone had herpes or some other disease and didn't tell me- I'd be pissed.  Same goes for HIV.   RG- San Diego

I think that even though someone asks, neither party can know for sure (unless the askee was recently tested and didn't have sex for a couple of months).  So, with that said, it's always best to assume that the person you are with could be positive, and all safety measures are taken.   However, on the flip side (no pun intended), I also believe that if someone knows that they are HIV+, they need to say something, out of respect for the other person.  Everyone has different comfort levels, and everyone should have a right to choose whether or not they want to be in that kind of situation.  If the HIV+ person, whom at that point has no risk factor to worry about, makes that choice for both of them, that would just be pure selfishness.  Mike, San Francisco

"I can't really say it falls more on one person than the other.  If a person knows they have a disease, they should try not to spread it.  If a person is afraid of catching something, they should use protection."  Karen, NYC.

"Well realistically, I assume if the guy wants to do it without a condom, that he's probably the same HIV status that I am."   Anonymous, Vancouver

Every sexual encounter requires different responses and/or reactions.  Therefore, to  say whose responsibility it is to "ask" or "tell" about HIV would be unfair, for such disclosure is a personal choice, not a duty. Formercsi, FL

"I think anyone having sex today goes into it knowing full well of their risks.  You should assume that anyone you're going to have sex with might have HIV or another STD, and protect yourself.  Asking your partner their status is important, but it can be really hard, and plus the person might be positive and not even know it.  It's not worth the risk to me, so I use condoms and don't bother asking."  -Andrew, Minneapolis

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